Every night before I go to bed, I look at the clock (i.e. cell phone) and think about what time I’m going to get up in the morning. When I went to sleep the night of November 26th 2010, I didn’t think it would be over two years until I woke up again.
That next day something in me broke and it feels as though I’ve been in a state of catatonia ever since. To be clear, these past years haven’t been bad years. It’s quite the contrary actually, the past two years have been great. I’ve found a great place to worship and enjoy many new relationships. I’ve traveled to new places. I’ve gotten an exciting new job. And I’d say that I’ve grown tremendously. Still, as it was all happening I was in a haze. Sure there were moments of consciousness, but like when I wake up in the middle of the night, I wasn’t ready to get out the bed, still desiring – still needing – sleep. Sleep living.
But 2013 shone on me in my sleep like the light of the sun hitting my face in the morning. I’m awake now and I’m getting ready for the new day with the sense of urgency that comes from knowing you’ve been asleep for long enough. And as I dress myself in preparation of this day, I am coming to accept a simple truth: what was of Bernadette is gone. I awake a new woman, with new convictions, new priorities, new understandings. I can’t live the life that was when I went to sleep, that life has passed. New wine calls for new wineskin!
All the goals that I had previously, all that I wanted for my life before have given way to a new goal:
“And this is my prayer: that [my] love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that [I] may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God!“
(A prayer for God’s people found in Paul’s letter to the Body of Christ in Philippi, first chapter, verses nine through eleven)
I don’t know what this new day holds, but I’m preparing for it with excitement and expectancy. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that God has wonderful things in store for me this year. And I know that through all things, the pleasant and unpleasant alike, God is growing me to become more and more Beautifully Bernadette.