Why I’m Fasting Till Dinner

You know that saying “don’t cry over spilled milk?” I wonder if the originator of the saying ever had a time when he had ONE glass of milk left and he was waiting in joyous anticipation for the best moment to drink his cold glass of milk, thinking about how glorious it would be when he took that first refreshing sip and let out that universal “ahhh” of contentment, only to watch all of it SPILL in front of him. I don’t think he did because if he had, he would understand the need to sometimes cry over spilled milk.

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That mess on my kitchen floor? That was my breakfast salad. It spilled. And I wanted to cry. I didn’t, but I promise you I was close. Even as I’m typing this I’m almost worked up to tears. There’s a lot going on in my life right now and I feel that overall I’ve been holding together pretty well. But this?!?!?

I soooooo wanted to eat this. I was getting it ready to take to work with me cause I didn’t have time to eat it at home. I used my last bit of romaine lettuce, my last banana and the last of my walnuts. When it fell, it was like slow motion. I reached for it and yelled “NOOOO,” but it was too late. The next thing I knew, there my beloved breakfast was, spread out on the floor. My first urge was to shovel everything back into the container and pretend as though nothing happened, but the sense in me stopped myself. I’m not 6 years old anymore, I know better than to eat food off of the floor, especially since I know it’s been some weeks since I last mopped that floor. But I wanted to. Badly.

Once I realized that nothing could be done, I cleaned up the mess and went back to the fridge to see what I could eat instead. But the prospect of making something else brought me absolutely no satisfaction. I had lost my appetite. If I couldn’t have a breakfast salad with romaine, banana and walnuts, I didn’t want anything at all. And so, I decided not to eat anything till tonight when I go over to the pastor’s house for dinner. Call it a protest against gravity.

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Because I Have a Lot on My Mind

I don’t multi-task well. Call it a flaw, call it a strength, call it what you like, but it’s true. I’m more of an all-or-nothing type person. I know this trait is not popular in this fast changing world, but I’ve learned that it’s best to accept yourself for who you are, popular or not (as you can probably guess I was never one of the “cool kids” in school).

I mention my one-track mind because it’s very much related to some of the stress with which I’m currently dealing. Now, if I were better able to juggle many things at once, this period in my life wouldn’t be very stressful at all ( and when I say “juggle things” here I mean intangible “things” like thoughts, situations, etc. Consequently, I can’t juggle physical things either. I’ve tried and it’s really difficult to remember to throw one ball/apple/whatever while focusing on catching the other. I’m amazed when I see other people do it cause it looks so easy… Anyhow, back to what I was saying).  When a number of changes and decision points come up in the life of someone like me (who likes to focus on one thing at a time), I think there’s this sort of overload. Right now I have so much going on, I can’t focus on anything (I’ve noticed that I can’t even keep a steady train of thought while typing this post).

For the past few weeks, I haven’t been running, I haven’t been cooking, I haven’t been reading, I haven’t done much of anything except watch tv. And I have way too much that I should be doing to waste all those hours watching tv, but it seems like that’s the only way to make all the stuff that’s whirling around in my head pause. Otherwise, I feel like such a scatter-brain that I literally want to curl up in a ball and cry (and to be honest sometimes that’s exactly what I do). Not that any one situation I’m facing is so difficult or troubling, but when added together I feel completely overwhelmed!

If only time would just stand still for a while. Give me a chance to get a handle on each situation one by one. That would be a big help. But with time steadily prancing along, just tra-la-la-ing right past me, whenever I try to focus on one thing, I feel guilty cause I know I have a few other things that must be addressed in a timely fashion. So I attempt to context switch which, as I’ve mentioned, is not my strong suit.  So the end result is nothing more than a bunch of half-baked plans (as a side note, ever have one of those times where a common saying finally makes sense to you? Yeah, this was one of those times. “Strong suit,” card games, I get it. Ok, back to the pity party at hand).

If you know me, you know I’m a planner, albeit at times a last-minute planner, but a planner nonetheless. Having a plan helps me maintain some sense of control in the happenings of my life. But when I don’t have the time to put together a decent plan, this is what happens. I end up frazzled and incapable of doing anything productive. Instead, I find ways to escape handling any of my responsibilities (such as writing a post whose only purpose is to give voice to my complete frazzlement and anything else I can rationalize as necessary for my emotional health. I find that I’m a skilled rationalizer).

Anyway, I’ve escaped long enough for now. I guess I’ll attempt getting some work done, since well, I am at work and getting work done is generally what they pay me for. Although at this point, I feel like I’m just here to run around in one of those little hamster wheels. Actually, I think I’d enjoy running in a hamster wheel more than being here right now (yeah, my career is one of those areas that need to be addressed). Ugh, I need some chocolate.

A Bit of Inspiration

The other day, while perusing one of my favorite health and wellness blogs, A Black Girls Guide To Weight Loss, I saw a post from the end of last year that linked to an article about  a number of bloggers who had undergone incredible weight loss naturally, without drugs, without surgery, without any medical shortcuts, just… naturally.

One thing that I want to point out is that while not all of them attribute their success to exercise, EACH of them talked about changing their eating habits. Exercise is important for many reasons, but the key to losing weight and/or maintaining a healthy weight is being more conscious and careful about what you eat. There’s really no way around that.

Anyway, I found this article inspirational and thought it was truly a testament to what can be accomplished through a real commitment to making healthy lifestyle changes.  Check it out:

8 Amazing Blogger Weight-Loss Transformations